Traffic is the bane of my existence. How are there so many traffic jams and erratic drivers? Seriously, how?
I wonder constantly if there's a herd of elephants blocking the road like on a wild African safari or if maybe it's a massive dragon eating random vehicles if they try to pass.
Instead, when I get to where the traffic jam originated, there's not an elephant in sight that would indicate any reason for why I had to stop for the last thirty minutes. It's maddening!
Even if we stipulate that what I just mentioned should be forgiven, there's still individual vehicles that cause massive amounts of chaos in my everyday journey on the road. Now I am aware that these vehicles have people in them - driving them - but let's go with the notion that the vehicle operates on its own and so the vehicle is at fault. Vehicles do the following things:
1. Slam on the brakes when the open road and no other vehicles are in front of them. And it is ALWAYS on a single lane roadway. Why are you stopping? What could you have possibly seen to trigger that sort of reaction?
2. Swerve into my lane and then go half the posted speed limit. Thanks for that, by the way. It gives me just enough time to either slam on my brakes and miss you by millimeters, or shatter your windows with my horn blast while I careen into you. I am not skilled enough to do both those activities at the same time. It's a travesty, I know.
3. Drive into the fast lane and then go the exact speed limit or slower while every other car on the road (including those in the other lanes) flashes past.
4. Put on the turn signal to merge or turn and then do neither of these things. This boggles my mind! If you already made your turn or already merged, don't you hear that your blinker is still on? In my car it is a booming click, click, click that I turn off with lightning speed because of it's irritating cadence. If instead, you are still going to make a turn or merge into my lane, then do it already.
5. Speed up when I am trying to merge in front and then slow down again when I try to merge behind. Pick a damn speed! I need to merge and you're not helping.
(You, me, everybody else...we all do these things at some point with or without realizing it. From now on though: Just Don't!)
So what I'm saying is this: Beeeeeeeeeeeeep! MOVE!